This author is currently on hiatus for the ignoble cause of mugging. The public is advised to remain calm, as this routine protocol has been shown to have no effect on one's violent tendencies in 96% of cases.
| Wednesday, November 01, 2006 |
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Hmm, this post is two days late... Anyway, on Monday, i went for the "Best English Award" interview, armed with only the shoddy portfolio (the link to the online version is in my previous post, if you're interested) i did in one night. While i was waiting for my turn outside the conference room, i decided to read Akilan's portfolio first. Yeah, he is MOE's son, my gymmate, and he also happens to be one of the nominees for the award. And I was kinda shocked at how thick his portfolio was. Yeah, he did print all his essays one-sided with double line spacing, but that doesn't change the fact that my portfolio had a measly 9 sheets of paper and he had about 20. That's about the quantity. What really amazed me was his quality. Yeah, he may be in mainstream and whatnot, but he definitely writes so much better than me; I think his standards are comparable with Yi Yong. He is frigging good with (English) words. But the biggest misfortune of that day was when i stepped into the conference room, and I realised Mrs Yong was one of the interviwees. I suppose it wasn't toally unexpected since she is the iSpark English HOD after all, but I had previously hoped she would not be present, because being my English teacher, she already knows my writing styles and standards. Heck, she was the one who nominated me in the first place. Her first question was, "So, Zhicong, anything new?" Fortunately i had 3 entries which she had not seen b4 (2 blog posts and one poem). The first remark I received when i passed over my portfolio was, "Wah, so thin?" Especially since the person just b4 me was Akilan. I replied that I thought they only wanted my best works, and not for me to print out every single essay or poem i had done in the past (as Akilan did.) To cut a long story short, the interview obviously did not go well for me. But that was because I was already prepared not to win it. Needless to say, with that attitude, I had trouble answering the "Why should we choose you for this award?" question. (I might have answered "Because I was chosen by Mrs Yong.") In fact, in my "Afterword", i actually stated my sentiments I did not think i was able to win the award. Which is why Mrs Yong's presence was so regrettable, i don't know what she would have thought of me afetr reading the Afterword... But the point is that, I'm not too worried about the results of the interview. Beforehand, i already knew i would be unable to match up with the standards of the best out there. Reading Akilan's portfolio strengthened this belief even more. It's like joining a competition (fortunately without the participation costs) already knowing that you have a very slim chance of winning. Of course, that's not to say that you shouldn't have the willpower to fight, to achieve as satisfactory a result as possible. But if you have the mindset to accept that you might lose, it makes your life so much easier on yourself. Its saying, "I have a 50% chance of winning, I will work hard to grasp that 50%, but there is also the other 50% which I must be prepared to accept." Being overconfident and thinking "I'm sure to win this" is not very helpful to oneself. Yeah, good that you have confidence in your abilities and the burning desire to win, and if you do, then good for ya. But what if you lose? You'll start blaming yourself, "Why did I lose? How could I have lost to that b*tch?!" All because you never considered the thought of losing. Sooner or later, you're going to start coming to conclusions that he was cheating or whatever, and will not give the issue a rest. So you see, just simply thinking that you may lose does help you in putting losing behind you, and striving hard to win the next chance you get. In short, it makes you content with your results, whether win or not. A deafeatist attitude isn't all that bad after all. |
'Twas teh winnar at 10:40 pm.
