This author is currently on hiatus for the ignoble cause of mugging. The public is advised to remain calm, as this routine protocol has been shown to have no effect on one's violent tendencies in 96% of cases.
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 |
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After being released late for lunch at 1.45 pm by Mr Cheng today, i have made a few revelations about secondary school canteen queues. Luckily i had 15 extra minutes since Maths Quiz training starts at 2.15 pm, but i pity those who have afternoon lessons at 2. Any undumb and efficient canteen stall would have at least 2 queues. Unless, of course, the stall has 1 queue but has a few helpers serving it, in which case is too bad for you. The following amateur's guide will teach you the tactics of spotting when you should queue-hop or move your butt over to another stall. So whip out $2 and get ready to save some time. Amateur's Guide to Hwachong Canteen Queues There are 2 groups of high-risk targets which you should look out for: the blur sec 1s and the cunning sec 4s/JC students. 1. Sec 1s Avoid queues which are massed by these dwarves. On the outside, they may look cute and innocent, but the inside holds a very calculative soul. Fresh out of primary 6, they are used to taking their time in canteen queues since there is less competition in primary school queues. These dwarves have a habit of taking their time to scrutinize whatever is available in order to make an informed decision. Some might go to the extent of enquiring about the products offered. After which, they will take their time to pick out the exact change. After mental sums, if they find that they do not have enough bullets, then they will hand over guns in denominations ranging from $5 to $10. Returning their change can be quite a hassle. Potentially dangerous in large numbers. However, they are not as large of a threat as the next category... 2. Sec 4 These cunning creatures often carry the arsenal of two or more of their type. Having developed strong bonds with each other, they entrust each other with large amounts of ammo to help them take down their prey and bring the prize food back to them. Once, there was this sec 4 who had an entire written list of orders, and he took out much of my time, since i was right behind him and all i wanted was a bun (BAO). Worse still, these creatures have a habit of barging into queues to gain tactical advantage in the battlefield. Be alert for any sec 4s alone in a queue. A large group of them may not be as dangerous since they would be carrying their own ammo and what you see is what you will face in the queue. On the other hand, if he is alone, it often means that he will either have backups cutting off the queue soon, or he may have more arsenal than it looks. 3. Safe Routes If a queue contains minimal threat, then it is deemed to be safe even if it might seem to stretch longer. Threats have been known to disguise themselves in shorter queues. Of course, if a long queue contains these threats, then obviously don't go into it. 4. Plan B If all else fails and threats have swarmed the entire battlefield, then retreat to alternative grounds like those beside a swimming pool. However, be warned that you will have to spend more ammo to get your kill, since there is less competition in that area. 5. Plan C Don't have enough ammo to spare? Then get a mate of yours to pop around and get you some chow, claiming that you will return him the spent ammo sooner and later. Of course, you never do and simply hope that he will forget about it. DISCLAIMER: This guide was made under the presumption that readers actually have sufficient common sense. The author of this guide will not be held responsible for any botched plans arising from the above generalities and stereotypes, and its side effects including (but not limited to) lashings from commanders like Mr B.Lee. |
'Twas teh winnar at 9:45 pm.
