My Game of Life

Monday, March 03, 2008

Ack, ive been too lazy to blog over the past week after the 200th post (sense of achievement overwhelmed me lol). Thankfully we have relatively more free time during this sabbatical week, so here's recent events compressed into one fictional photo essay. =]

(In case you haven't realised, click on the images and open them in a new tab/window to view the full-size photos.)

A recent survey conducted by a team of professors, namely Ben N., Ben L. and Father Ben L. (hereby referred to as Ben³), has uncovered the ailing learning environment of local schools, with the focus being on Hwachong Institution.

Behind this mask of the school's apparent prestigious facade lies great suffering and hardship, as Ben³'s indepth study revealed. Hidden from the eyes of the public, students and staff (with the exception of the principal) alike are struggling with the worst financial crisis in years. Many have resorted to unorthodox methods to supplement their income, and for some it is a uphill task just to pay their school fees.

"Consultation Services, $1 to ask and another $1 for the answer."

"Will KILL for money! Oops, i ripped my tie..."

Underpaid teacher-assistant Mr. Jon Wong playing the piano to make up for excessive printing costs incurred during his stint.

It appears this unprecedented dry spell has not been restricted to the people alone. Nearby infrastructure and nature has been afflicted with this presposterous phenomenon as well.

A student caught red-handed stealing the screws from a bus stop.

A tree shedding its leaves in a mark of...of...
Write me an essay on the literary significance of this in relation to Macbeth or Frankenstein else your Lit marks will be at stake!

However, while many are languishing in self-pity, a select few are still leading a life of luxury. It appears the newly implemented CPF Life scheme has provided their already-wealthy parents with extra money to fuel their sons' spending habits and lifestyle.

Student Zhao being attended to by his numerous ~~slaves~~ helpers.

Indeed, it appears that the income gap between the rich and the poor has risen dramatically in the face of rising costs. However, the school has pledged to effectively spend the extra revenue generated from ripping students off into joining overpriced overseas trips (inconspicuously referred to by flowery names such as "Enhanced Academic Programme" or "Satellite Campus") by installing a gold tap in every classroom, in order to nurture world-class leaders in government.

In fact, it is believed that the sudden spate of poverty is caused by a sub-prime mortgage crisis, which resulted in the price of the 79 acres of land HCI is sitting on falling, and also the recent GST hi-

BREAKING NEWS

We interrupt the lovely story (excellent, don't you agree?) to bring you breaking news from the Whitley Road Detention Centre. JI Fugitive Mas Selamat has made a break for it during his toilet break, and now poses an imminent threat to the security of our foreign talent...Sorry, we forgot to include Singaporeans and PRs too.

Although the terrorist has a permanent limp in his left leg, investigators believe he is plotting to hijack an ice cream truck and stealthily manoeuvre it past Hwa Chong's three-pronged security, consisting of vigilant security guards, "STOP! Security check" signs and security barriers that snap once every so often but are promptly replaced by guards waving light sticks. He will then crash it into the Poolside Restaurant for revenge, which is believed to have served him too much salt in their french fries once, rupturing his ligaments - permanently.

In fact, Mas Selamat has already struck out at Hwa Chong, in what was a spectacular biological attack on an auditorium full of sec 4 students. Toxic fumes engulfed the enclosed area as students, clutching handkerchiefs and PSPs over their faces, scrambled for safety.

According to witness Ze Ren, "I turned around and suddenly saw Mas Selamat's face at the doorway. Acting instinctively, I picked up a chair and flung it at him. However, I was too distracted by his beard that I missed and hit the fire extinguisher instead, causing it to fall and break, spraying the unknown substances in it all around."

Okay, maybe it was just harmless CO₂ after all...

Police have distributed posters describing the fugitive in an effort to rope in the public to protect the lives of foreign talents, and all Singapore residents. To show our support for this project, we will be uploading our very own warning poster here - for free!

However, investigators believe the face of Mas Selamat has been constantly changing to keep up with the globalised world. In an official report just hours ago, police have released latest photos revealing the identity of this mysterious fugitive. In fact, he seems to have even changed his own name too, now going under the guise of "Fatimah".

Members of the public are advised to not confront him should they spot him. Instead, stay calm and call 999 immediately to pass matters over to the police, who are not part of the public and will act swiftly to detain him and gain full credit for being able to recapture him.

'Twas teh winnar at 8:37 pm.